I love being a mother. Even when I am so exhausted that I can't remember my own name, even when my to-do list is so long I'm tempted to lose it, even when the kids are in the back seat bickering, even when a kid pops a fever in the middle of a crazy work-week... even at the worst of times, I love being a mother.
Not much changed about mothering once I became a single mom. The main difference is that I have to work more now, so my approach to everything has become more focused. We might not have much family time, but every weekend we head to the woods or somewhere to get away and connect with each other. I can't eat dinners at home with the kids often, but Friday is "Fancy Family Fun" night, and dinner that night is something we look forward to all week. I have very little time to relax now, so instead of popping a movie on and vegging, these days I tend to invest time into things that renew and refresh my soul. I ruthlessly carve time out of my day to spend time with God and be still. These are all positive changes.
But there is one change that I love the most. It's not something that I wanted, and it's actually something that causes me a lot of stress, and yet God has used it as the biggest blessing for us. The change is that I went from thinking that I was a self-sufficient mom to realizing that I needed a village. A much bigger village than I realized.
This weekend I found myself (yet again) in a freaked out panic to find child care. The babysitter had fallen through, so with hours until I had to clock in, I frantically started messaging my back up sitters. They were all busy. I pounded out a Facebook status begging for help, posted it, and hit my knees on the kitchen floor praying, "God. I hate this. I hate having to ask for help. I hate being stressed out. You know I work my heart out for my kids. Why is this so hard?"
As I sat there, my mind started thinking back over all the stressful moments that I had hit the floor praying over this past year. I've shed my fair share of tears kneeling in that exact spot, feeling totally overwhelmed, and every time, the problem that seemed so big has worked out. I smiled and started praying again, thanking God this time.
As I picked the kids up from a friend's house after work that evening, they were bouncing and giggling, telling me about all the fun they'd had with their new friends. Before I even started backing out of the driveway, they were pestering me to set up another time to visit soon.
Tonight, my kids get to have a sleepover with another little friend, and they're buzzing around packing backpacks with super-hero PJs, favorite teddies, and glow sticks. (Only the essentials for my crazies.) And yet again, I am realizing how amazing their village is. They've made friends for life. They've gained mentors, "bonus family," and a huge sense of community that they wouldn't have if I had been able to structure things my way. We're heading to church in a few minutes, and my kids are totally at home there. Their faces light up when they see their favorite people, and they launch into waiting arms for hugs and love.
So this is me, tired-but-happy super-mom, thanking YOU for being part of my village. Some of you take my babies and love them when I have to work. Some of you love, listen to, and laugh with me. Some of you are our prayer warriors, and without you, we'd be weak. ...so THANK YOU! You're an awesome village.
Lots of love,
~Bethany~
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